Reviewing the American Idol Elite Eight

Originally posted on http://digitaldiatribes.wordpress.com on April 11, 2007.

So, a few more weeks have gone by since my compelling critiques of the American Idol contestants.  Since many out there are clamoring for words of wisdom on this ever-important subject, it would be a near-capital offense for me to not comply to the will of the people.  As such, the following discussion takes place as a public service to the masses: those who cannot get enough good information regarding this bastion of entertainment that we refer to simply as “Idol.”  Sorry, Billy.  Move over.

Since we last discussed this continuing television event, a few things have transpired.  Chris Sligh and Gina are gone, but most notably, Sanjaya has remained.  There has been controversy surrounding his non-departure.  Predominantly, there is a web site which will not be linked to here that encourages its followers to Vote For the Worst.  That site chooses who it considers to be the worst participant, and then tells everyone who wants to sent American Idol into obscurity and meaninglessness to vote for the worst performer.  Apparently, the web site’s owner claims to have nothing personal against AI, while at the same time telling everyone that the show is a joke that preys on the poor, innocent, helpless, participants.

Now, far be it from me to claim that AI is innocent as charged, but let’s try to interject a dose of reasonableness into this discussion.  It may well be true that the winner of American Idol will not get as good a contract as they would in the open market.  But, on the flip side, if it were not for AI, none of these people would be in any position to negotiate any kind of a contract, period.  The show discovered them and makes them stars, so it’s a little disingenuous to turn around and say that “these people are now stars, and they’re getting screwed.”  In addition, it’s not like the people who try out for the last number of seasons haven’t had plenty of opportunity to assess their willingness to get taken advantage of by the evil empire of AI.  Finally, the singers on the show are not the fault of any AI sins.  Unfortunately, they are the most immediate victims of getting booted, while someone less deserving sticks around.

And so, one must really conclude that this whole campaign is out of some kind of immature spite.  When Howard Stern jumps on your bandwagon, it doesn’t exactly lend credibility to your crusade.

Be that as it may, Vote For the Worst can do whatever they want to do.  It’s a free country.  In my opinion, if AI truly wishes to nip this in the bud, they can have a one-night change in voting where the callers vote for their least favorite.  It’s their show, they can do what they want.   On the other hand, bad publicity is better than no publicity.  So, when there is controversy, it’s good for the show.  So, I’m guessing they’ll happily keep Sanjaya around, hoping that he leaves in the final 4 or 5, after the novelty of the situation has completely run its course.

Now, all the bad pub around Sanjaya took a funny turn last night.  The kid actually did a nice job – I’d even say he was middle-of-the-pack-ish.  That being said, ridiculous past performances still indicate that he should go.  But he probably won’t.

My observation of Latin Night is that it is not conducive to determining the next American Idol.  They’ve done this in the past, and I’ve thought the same thing.  It’s a very distinct type of talent to pull off many of these kinds of songs, and it just didn’t play well with me – nor, it seemed, the judges.  I don’t necessarily fault the contestants on this one.  Let’s face it – not every good performer is great at every genre.  I can only speak from my personal non-great experience, but I think I’m a pretty capable singer/musician.  Any time in my life I’ve attempted to do Country anything my wife laughs and shakes her head, as if to say, “My poor lad.  Can’t you see that you cannot do this?   You are so cute when you try, though.”   (I added the part about being cute.)  In addition, does nobody but Melinda realize there are more than 4 songs in this genre that the females can sing?   Nothing like just stepping outside the box on the song selection with “Conga,” “Rhythm is Gonna Get You”, etc.   At least the guys did something a little different.

Melinda.   Oh, Melinda.  Am I allowed to be a little mean here?  Honestly, I don’t want to be, but I have to be honest.  This whole attempt at “sexy” just didn’t work.  Man, I hate to go here…  All right, I’ll just say it.  You are not pretty.  You can sing your hinder off, you have a boat-load of talent, you seem like a beautifully warm, nice, sincere, and loveable person.  But it was a little awkward to watch you trying to come across as “sexy.”  You’re not.  Sorry, that’s just how I see it.  That said, I love ya. 

Lakisha.  Lakisha can sing the Diva stuff and the gospel stuff without compare.  Strong, on pitch, great voice.   But I am really struggling with the personality here.  I see her as someone who has a great career ahead of her for a certain genre, but it is probably not going to be the pop-artist genre.  And despite some criticism I received in my last review, Melinda and Lakisha are very similar in style, and are strongest in the same genres.  I know what was being implied with the criticism of my opinion.  (Hint: skin color)   Sorry.  The data suggests I’m right.  They have both been strongest on the same nights and weakest on the same nights.  Coincidence?   I think not.

Chris.  I admit that I don’t get it.  Oh, there have been nights where he’s performed and I’ve said “Hey, that was pretty good.”  But he always sounds the same to me, has a weak lower register, and does this thing with his neck and head at the same time he crooks his mouth, and I just think “seizure.”  I can’t get past it.

Blake.  I was a bit slow to warm to Blake.  Part of the reason was because I thought he had a couple average performances early on where the judges nearly proclaimed him the Messiah.  I thought they were stretching things a bit, and perhaps trying to influence the audience instead of just being honest.  But lately, when everyone else is average, Blake does seem to rise to the top.  I’ve come around now and agree that he is far and away the best male performer.  Last night, I really thought he was the only one to give a completely legitimate showcase of his talent.

Jordin.  I really, really like Jordin.  She can nail it.  No ifs, ands, or buts.  Last night was probably her worst evening in a while, and I’d argue it was still the second or third best of the bunch.  And unlike Lakisha, she just has a personality that you root for.  A happy, bubbly kid who just seems to be having a great time.

Phil.   Sigh.  I like Phil.  I think he has a good voice.  But I have to admit that it’s probably getting close to his time to go.  Lately, he just hasn’t nailed much.  Now, I thought he really did great a few weeks ago on “Every Breath You Take.”  That was easily his best performance.  But the last couple weeks have been nothing special, and competition is just rising above his level.  It doesn’t help that if you painted him with make-up and took a black and white photo, he could pass for being part of the Muenster family.

Finally, we come to Haley.  I’ve read suggestions that Simon was cruel with his comment about Haley only being there because of her lack of clothes.  Sorry, I cannot agree.  Haley hardly reacted as if she disagreed.  Five (or whatever it is) weeks in a row of showing a bunch of leg means that you think you’re on to something.  Everyone watching knows what she’s up to, everyone voting for her knows why they’re voting for her, she knows it, the judges know it, and the producers know it.  Sorry, Haley, but behind Sanjaya there is no more obvious choice to leave the show based on vocal talent.

Simon as much as admitted that it’s not just a singing competition by pointing that out.  It’s more accurate for him to say that “This should be a singing competition.”  I agree with him, but the reality is that the whole package gets voted on: singing, stage presence, appearance.  In fact, he contradicts himself every time he comments on what a person is wearing (or not wearing) or a person’s dancing, or anything else that does not relate to actual singing.  I’d even put negative comments about a song arrangement in that category.

But then, he can say what he wants.  After all, he’s Simon Cow.

My Review of American Idol. Because I care.

Originally posted on http://digitaldiatribes.wordpress.com on March 15, 2007.

You can finally dispense with all the e-mails now.  I’m about to finally give my opinions on this year’s season of “American Idol.”   You people have been very impatient.

Before I critique the actual singers, let me put a few comments on the table.  I am a musician.  I am a singer.  I am not, and have never been in the music industry, and therefore am just an everyday clod with an opinion. 

From my admittedly limited experience on the stage, I can unequivocally state that all the people on American Idol are very good singers.   What’s that, you say?  Sanjaya is awful?   Hey, not so fast here…

You see, we all heard the auditions.  And then the judges heard everyone during Hollywood Week.  These people can sing.  However, just as a well-trained opera singer would sound awful singing a Diana Ross song, what happens is that these people with very good voices just may not be able to translate an otherwise good voice to a pop stage.   It doesn’t mean they are terrible singers, but it may mean they are terrible in that setting, in which case they are not cut out to be the American Idol.

The other reason I point this out is because the judges and us are really overly critical of generally good performances.  The nature of the show is to set the bar high, and it is what it is.  But just because not everyone is Kelly Clarkson or Fantasia or Clay or Melinda doesn’t make them terrible.  This is live performance, for crying out loud.   As a case in point, I dare you to say with a straight face that the majority of guests that they have had – generally legends in the industry – ever outperform more than a handful of the idol contestants.  They don’t.  If you were listening to Diana Ross or Kenny Rogers or Donna Summer on this show for the first time, and thought they were a contestant, you’d wonder what the judges had been smoking when they decided to put them through to the final 24.

Finally, but connected with the idea above, if anyone has ever sung on stage you will know that there are times where you can’t hear everything as perfectly as you’d like.  Whether it’s your own voice or the instruments, not hearing the right mix can send you off-key, and it can be hard to recover.

I felt that backdrop is important.  Because now I move to critiquing the contestants in the context of them competing to be a star. 

The final twelve consists of six men and six women.   Let’s be honest.  The men just don’t cut it this year, relative to the talent in the female pool.  A couple guys could make it as an artist, I think, but just don’t jump out as that one star that is head and shoulders above the others.

We’ll start with Brandon, the first of the Final Twelve to get booted.   What was he thinking?   The guy wasn’t phenomenal, but he could sing.  But nothing about the song “Can’t Hurry Love” is a good vocal choice for even the best singer.  He has himself to blame for the song choice.  Now, that said, Diana Ross music night is a disaster for any number of contestants.  I know the show has always done it, and I guess people like it, but if they are seriously trying to find America’s favorite new pop star, why are we presented to two hours of music from 30-40 years ago, in a music style that nobody listens to any more, in music styles that eight of the twelve participants would never, ever do?   It really makes no sense, but again, it is what it is.

Next to go should be Sanjaya.  OK, enough of the hula-hooping, exotic hair, and female persona.  I’m not being mean here, just honest.  It’s grating.  That all aside, he is simply not cut out for the big stage and pop performance.  He just isn’t.

I can’t figure out why Phil keeps getting beat up a bit.  Of all the guys, I put him as the best vocalist.  Maybe he just doesn’t have the appearance?  Don’t know.  I’m a guy who doesn’t typically pay attention to those things, unless it’s someone with exotic hair and earing dancing like a girl, but isn’t a girl.

Chris Sligh – good vocalist.  But it’s just goofy watching him on stage.  If I close my eyes, I’m with it.  Then I open it to see some really big guy with poofy hair singing “Endlesslove” twice as fast as it should go, and I lose the connection.

Blake – definitely cool with the whole voice-percussion talent.  And he really can sing.  Not my style, but I appreciate it.

The other Chris.   Do you guys get it?  Seriously?  I don’t.  I’ve seen seizures that appear more comfortable than his on-stage twitches, which I think are supposed to be “moves” of some sort.   And vocally – average at best.

So those are the guys.  A couple deserve to go a ways, but none deserve to be the next Idol.

As for the women, it should be a couple weeks before any are at risk, but I guess you never know.

Haley: Wendy really likes her, but I don’t see much there.  A good, nice vocalist, but if not the weakest of the bunch, she’s right there.

Stephanie: Similar to Haley.  Just not all that memorable, but a real solid singer.  Actually, all the women are really solid singers, so at this point you nitpick reasons why they should go.  Steph should go because her style is similar to 2-3 others who are better than her.  At the very least, this would bring some diversity.  In this respect, she should probably go before Haley.

Gina – OK, I’m not a big fan of dyed hair, and if my daughter ever comes home with a pierced tongue, I’m going to punch a hole in the wall.  But she can actually sing.  Not in the top tier, but of all the contestants she is closest to the music I enjoy, and she does a nice job.  It at least adds a different flavor, and she should stick around a bit longer.

Jordin – I like Jordin.  Seventeen years old and a killer voice.   It bugs me a little that she gets left out of a lot of the discussion, because in her own way she’s as good as the other two that get discussed (Lakisha and Melinda).   L and M sing in a certain genre, but truth be told, Jordin is probably the best vocalist in the actual pop genre.  She deserves to make the final three if not the final two.

Lakisha and Melinda – let’s just lump these two together.  You watch them both and they are just natural.  It comes easy.  Both are awesome.   Both are similar in style.  Lakisha probably has the bigger voice of the two, but I give the nod to Melinda for personality and stage presence in addition to that vocal.

Now, some final thoughts:  Did anyone else smell hypocrisy this week?  OK, so I wasn’t necessarily crazy about Blake’s arrangement or Chris’s arrangement of the music, but come on…   How many times have we heard comments like “You didn’t do anything to make that song your own.”   So, a couple guys decide to take a song and make it their own, and they get hammered on because they messed with classics.   Make up your mind already.  Not to mention, Chris’s review was all about the arrangement of the song, with nary a comment on the vocal.  Isn’t Simon always lamenting with the words “This is a singing competition”?  Critiquing the arrangement is fair game, but at least tell the guy what you thought about the actual performance.

Finally, a comment on the voting.  I’m a math guy, so maybe the results aren’t as big a surprise to me, but think about it for a moment, and it makes sense why the “wrong” person is voted out occasionally.   The reason is because we don’t vote anyone out.  We vote to keep people in.   I guarantee that if America were asked to vote against people instead of for people, the worst people would more consistently get booted.   Now, I’m not saying that makes more sense, because in the end the order doesn’t really matter all that much and the final three are usually who they should be.  There just may be some bumps in the road getting there.  But just keep in mind when Sanjaya stays, that it’s because he’s got a bunch of 16 year old girls voting to keep him around for some reason.  If we were asked to vote against him, all the rest of us would.  Different methods – different results.  It sorts itself out as the field dwindles.

By the way, I’m not a voter.  I think I’ve maybe felt compelled to call a couple times.  I just like to watch and critique.

Thank goodness there are enough people with enough spare time on their hands who actually care enough to vote, so I have something to keep watching.